1st or 2nd? 2 or 3? Doesn't really matter to her, i guess

So, it's years ago like 4 or 5 years ago. A cousin of mine stay in my house. I thought it's not gonna be long but in fact it is. She moved school and her mother got cancer so my dad's aunt sort of force us to let her stay. My mom is too kind that she accepted it. I didn't get along with her (my cousin) too much. we hadn't spend a lot of time together like other cousins should have. We fight sometimes. Those are the beginning but as time goes on i try too accept her in MY family. She even joined us in our family Pict. and mom got it printed BIG and she put it in our living room so when anyone come to my house they can she HER with MY family and they questioned who the hell she is. As far as anyone know i am the FIRST child in MY family and in a sudden my mom said to EVERYONE she met that I'm her SECOND child. Hell not! What would people think?? I'm an adopted child? or SHE is? or may be my brother is? I keep on saying I'm the first child and she keep on saying I'm her second. SURE. So whatever ups and downs sometimes i do like her sometimes not at all. and she's such a good pretender and i think if she'll win as the best pretender EVER. Now that she's not in my house anymore she still left some burden for me. So, now she's in Su Zhou, China. In whatever university (i forgot) and she got to send dozen of data to my father THROUGH me. So i got to check my email everyday in case she send something important. There's also one day early in the morning when my dad asked me to print some data from her when I'm in a hurry and because I'm not that evil to my OWN father so i help him out.

My Quandary

I had always want to be a doctor. As everybody has known. it was quite a long story how i came up to that point. My father's family is like soooo old-fashioned (I'd rather call it ancient, though), they still believe that boys are lot way better than girls. lame isn't it? Well, for me it is. So, one day my mom told me that i have to prove that i girl can be as good as a boy or even way better and that a daughter of hers can succeed. It really motivates me to be more that others. to work harder than others. i wanted to be different , to be on the top of the class. But anotherr part of me (my lazy part) is too lazy to do so and wanting to enjoy my teenage life just like other which caused me problems. I thought that being a doctor is so freaking cool. Like you got all this respect even in hard times like the World War 2. I wanted to be a doctor also because my mom once said to be that she'll be happy if i can be one so i want her to be happy. It's also cool to examine bodies even dead ones (to me). But right now I'm in my own quandary between being a doctor and not. Being a doctor means i have a long journey of school and they said it's hard and for the short term i can't be as free as other teenagers are because i got to take stuff seriously. Being a doctor means i could change the world. At least a little. Another side of me just want to take a peaceful degree and live in a village peacefully but another side of me wanted to be more than that. Now that my parents are leaving the choices to me. I'm damn confuse. And i don't have much time to decide.

let him go...?

should i let him go? Guess he'd find someone else. But i'm pretty sure if i still keep in touch with him, he'll never move on. Which will just hurt him even more.

*touched touched

i'm really really really touched when i found out that my ex score a goal in the soccer game FOR ME just the day before we broke up and i just found out a few minutes ago

Ex-Crush

i was like so shock! i was in the lift with some of my friends going to our next class. the lift door open and HE came in. I pinched my friend and he stupidly said "Mar don't pinch me" and my other friend said "How come He's here?" (loudly) i stared at him! Jesus! could they shut up! ha ha but it was fun though. i had not expect to see him. so yeah it was a very good surprise.

What an Ambition

i'm like not diligent enough for her even some of my friends said that i'm too diligent. when i achieve some things she would say that if i can be more diligent and serious in achiveing my goal i would had done better and some compliment. that thing goes on and on and on and on. even when i got an ivitation for a scholarship to singapore (eventually my age was too young by a year from the at-least-to-be-age)she also said if i can be more diligent i would had done better and my dad would say that if i heard what my mom said i'll be far away better than this. it's not that i easily get satisfied or try do defend myself but i just hope they could give more appreciation of what i've done and achieved.

Ex boyfriend

few days ago i broke up with my boyfriend well actualy i dumped him. After we broke up he keep on calling and texting me. I said not to. After he'd back off and act like he didn't care i actually missed him. Stupid ain't i? Argh. Whatever.