Real Full Tale~

This is the real full tale. Jadi gue ketemu sama mantan gue itu pas homestay ke china(ew ew the place makes me feel sick.) terus pkknya kita jadi deket gitu dan pas di jakarta kita jadian (09.07.08) such a nice date ya okay terus intinya kita pacaran gitu kan and i feel that dia berubah gitu. Jadi gimana ya... agk keanak2an gitu lah pdhl i thought he's more mature than me. Terus after that we almost have fight every night wether it's small or big pkkny pasti ada berantemnya. terus pkknya akhirnya gue pikir gue ga bisa lagi sama dia. daripada berantem terus malah jadi ga enak. Mendingn temenan aja tp baik2 kan. tp jujur gue juga masih sayang sama dia. (that time). Minta putusnya juga ga gampang. He beg me not to break up and everytime he does it hurts me too. (but he never knew that. i was too shy to tell.) The reason why i wanna break up is that he's so not mature terus gue juga males kalo harus berantem terus sama dia and those kind of stuff. And plus i thought i'm not good enough for him. And after that kita masih smsan telfonan just like before but with no status the other difference is that i no longer say that i love him but he always did. He often ask if we could get back together. I said no. I don't know why. But i just can't. i know that that hurts him. But it hurts me too. It happened on the Lebaran Holiday. He went to turkey and i went to manado for holiday so we didn't really communicate with each other during the holiday. Before that i had always ask him to move on to find some other girl but he never listen to me and always said "i'll love you forever and no one else" but i thought he knew that we just can't get back together. i begged him but he won't listen. He rejected it. I try a lot different ways
but doesn't change anything either. So i decided when he get back from turkey that i won't reply his messages. Its hard not to because i still love him somehow. So he called me but i rejected it because i'm afraid i might not be able to control my emotion. i keep telling myself that this is for his own good. For a person that i love. By that time finally he said that he will still wait for me and will still love me forevr. and i don't know what i did but few weeks later he was angry to me plus he's close to a girl. Now, He don't really wanna talk to me. Padhal dia tau ga sih setiap kalo dia sakit gue juga sakit. dia pikir gampang apa ga ngebales sms orang gt aja, Dia pikir gue sesadis apa. Dia pikir gue ga sedih setiap kali gue ngebayangin dia sm cewe lain. What makes me think that not replying his sms is the best for him is that waktu dia bilang he'll love me forevr and will always love me and no one else, dia bisa kan smsan sm cewe lain. Itu yang namanya forever? Only me? Okay maybe it's also my other fault. Maybe he just had has enough. I'm not sure what i said that makes him so rude to me. I just want him to know that every words that come out of my mouth is for him. Even if it hurts me. So now the worst part is that after he had move on (he told me so) i thought i would not be missing him or jealous and i even thought i might forget my feelings totally or at least most but it's untrue. I can't forget our good memories hmm also the bad ones (i found it funny and also silly if i remember those bad momments). Especially i can't forget how he use to hug me with this big bear hug (that's how it felt, like being hugged by a bear since he's taller than me) how he use to warm up my hand since my hand is such a good conductor that it can be cold so fast. I miss just about everything.